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03 December 2010 @ 10:15 am
Title: but you were never enough
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: River/Jayne
Rating: T
Summary: She is the dancing child, but there is a darkness to Serenity she can't help but see.
Disclaimer: I own nothing whatsoever.
Notes: Um, this was written at 6 in the mornin, hence, it's really short.

She’s left behind, the little girl in their minds when she can kill them all with on brush of her fingers, with one thought.

River dances about Serenity, their little sister on the ship, happy and free and does not think about the shadow in the corner, growing growing growing, a blot of blood everyone tries to ignore.

She’ll catch the heat of anger directed at her sometimes, can feel its fire licking across her skin all white-hot , blue-balled flames lit from their grieving mother. River didn’t have the heart to tell her of the flush of red between her legs, growing until Zoe woke up one day surrounded by blood and tears.

It was the cruelest moment on the ship, everyone gathered around their mother for love when River lay in her bunk, enveloped in their love and Zoe’s grief, double-edged, and sighed into Jayne’s mouth.

(she doesn’t tell him about the growing bright spot in her stomach, doesn’t mention the rush of air around her, the slip of tears down her cheeks as she cradles a slip of tissue in her hand. She doesn’t whisper to him, it was going to be a girl and cry for the life the Academy took from her, even then)

(sometimes Serenity feels like a curse.)
goddessofbirth: kuryakingirl made it for me 'cause she'sgoddessofbirth on December 3rd, 2010 03:29 pm (UTC)
Whoa! Depressing and powerful.
saredonsaredon on December 3rd, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)

I won't be around the corner hiding and depressed...not at all.

cedelede on December 3rd, 2010 09:10 pm (UTC)
This is River-speak at its finest. Also very very sad.
SunshineAlisunshineali on December 4th, 2010 06:45 am (UTC)
Me sooo sad.
BlueEyedBrigadiergeneral_iblis on December 5th, 2010 02:06 am (UTC)
Wow...dual miscarriages? I don't think even Joss would pull that much of an emotional curb stop out of his bag of tricks, though its definitely more than capable of helping to convey the dark side of life out in the Black and the hidden elements of River being an inadvertent killing machine.

Still, I definitely think you have captured River's post-Miranda state of mind...much more coherent but still heavily reliant on imagery to convey ideas and emotions.